Saturday, March 19, 2011

Loving Relationships: What women need to say

I love being in a loving relationship, it can cause such euphoria but at the same time such hair ripping frustration.
Why frustration, you ask?
As much as it is a great thing to have someone who loves you and cares for you and devotes themselves to making you happy there are always times when you realize that your counterpart may indeed be taking you for granted.
Oh now, don’t argue we all know it’s true and we really don’t intend to do it but when you don’t think about how short this life can in fact be and when you have a special someone that you share your life with, you don’t consider the value of really paying attention to them and hearing their needs.
I’m going to focus on women right now, and get to men in another article.
For being the more verbal half of the species (and we all know it’s true we women talk a lot more than men ever do) when it comes to talking to your other half and telling them your needs we’re truly exasperating.
I catch myself doing it, and I don’t mean to. However, I think we have this internal trigger that automatically thinks that because we share our lives with someone who may know you better than anyone else that they always know what you want or need.
A terrible truth but, there it is and we get upset with them for no good reason.
They want to understand us well, usually but when they ask you ‘what do you want’ tell them, don’t respond with ‘you know’.
Get this, they really don’t know.
No, really.
So, it is our responsibility to enrich our relationships by actually communicating to the man in your life and stop expecting the impossible, here a few very simple needs most women I know would like to express to their men.

I know most of us want to be listened to when we talk.
When we tell you about our day, it is actually important to us to share with you what we’ve gone through. It may not seem as interesting to you as a video game or sports or whatever else may hold your attention instead but, you do share our lives and we want to let you know what makes us tick. So, try by sparing us a few minutes of your time and maybe even ask how our day was.
On the flipside tell us what is going on in your life, we are interested and this is a way for us to encourage closeness in our relationships with you. It is a way for us to understand you more and to interact with you so that we can grow and learn.

Play video games with us, take us to sporting events, movies, skydiving or other activities that you like to do. We might actually surprise you and be good at them (or better than you) and give you as a couple more to do together and make your relationship stronger.

 Compliment us. We know we’ve been with you for a while but it’s good for our self esteem to know that we are still found attractive and desired by the men in our lives.
Physical displays of affection are also something that seems to dissipate with time but, it shouldn’t. We are a tactile species and need to be held and loved so make that bond stronger by surprising us with hugs and kisses or holding our hands.
We all like the feeling of being wooed so, to continue doing it just helps us feel better about our relationship with you.

Surprise us.
Most of us love surprises, some will say jewelry, or big ticket items and I know that’s the way some enjoy being gifted but, many of us will be happy with flowers, a dinner invitation out, a romantic weekend away, a poem you wrote for us, just something to show you thought of us and that we are important in your mind.
By remembering the smallest things that we love it shows that you listened and care to remember.

If you’re angry, work it out with us.
The worst thing you can do is to hold a grudge. I’ve seen couples angry and not speaking over ridiculous events and have been in a relationship where distance was a factor and an angry confrontation led to non communication and the worst ideas bubbled up in my mind. I can honestly say it was hell.
It made me angrier and volatile and instead of diffusing the situation by talking about it, it was ignored and when you’re far away from your loved one and on the receiving end of this it’s something you wouldn’t wish on anyone.
We understand you may need to take a breather to calm down but, to keep up the anger just exacerbates the situation. If you hang up on us or say hurtful things it will make us tend to believe the worst. So, try not to drive off in anger or go talk to an ex because you know it will hurt us further just take your time to cool down and approach us about what made you angry and have a rational discussion about repairing the issue.
We can get angry as well but, usually we’re a lot more verbal about it.

I can add so much more to this but, it would entail writing a whole novel or a series of articles about it so these are just basics to note.
We all need varying things in our lives as women but the simplest things like respect, love, listening, understanding and ensuring that we are shown how important we are in your lives makes the biggest difference.
Communication is essential in keeping a relationship healthy and that also goes for not flirting with every woman you see or talk to instead of giving proper attention to the woman in your life who tries hard to ensure they give you what you need.
Women are nurturers and are more talkative by nature but, when it comes to our relationships sometimes we just don’t know where to start or if we’ll be listened to.

It never ceases to amaze me in this seemingly advanced age where almost everyone has a cell phone, computer and can reach far across the globe that the simplest task of talking the person in your life that you apparently share everything with is the hardest thing.
Maybe the divorce rate wouldn’t be as high if we all just talked a little more to our mates instead of ignoring them?

No comments:

Post a Comment